Sunday, May 25, 2008

Sad? Or not?

Just 1 thing I forgot to mentioned in yesterday post. I treat that her answer is No simply because I understand. If you really want to be with that person, your answer will NEVER EVER be dont know. There will be a kind of anxious in answering of the answer Yes. Saying dont know already simply shows you dont feel like being with that person. Just that you didnt say it directly. Its another way round of saying No. Oh well, I wont force anything upon anyone. And seeing her friendster, can see there's already 1 guy interested in her. And yeah, she's kinda interested in him as well. Say me jealous or whatsoever. But this time round, Im not gonna care anymore. Whoever she's with, she's with. Im not gonna say anything, and Im gonna force myself from not feeling anything. Since its like we are together for so long, and she can put down the past SO easily and stead with others SO easily. Then why shall I bother about someone who can put down everything as if nothing had happened before. I once trusted she's not flirt. Yeah I still do so. But the thoughts of it started to waver. Should I even continue to trust in this? Maybe not. Since I wont bother about her anymore. And whether she's flirt or not, its up to her. Receive any harms from anyone, I wont be able to say or do anything. Its her own choice. Its her own future. You kinda force me into deciding all of these. You kept avoiding the answer by saying dont know, which I know sure its a No and you liked someone else already. Its kinda like lying to me? It hurts even more this way. And the way you treated me, I can feel it. The answer is DEFINITELY a NO. If you even bother, you would like initiate a SMS. But nothing. I always waited and waited.

After stating all of this, I have decided to MOVE on. Step out of this world which she trapped me in for so long. Back to my OLD usual self. Cheerful and not someone who go emo when seeing she's with someone else or what. Maybe if she reads all of these, she got somethings to say. What you're thinking now doesnt really help anymore. Hate me, despise me if you want. Cause in my heart, I know I still loves you. You are like a scar in my heart deep down inside. It cant be remove. Just that Im gonna try to bury all of these and move on. You can do it so easily, so can I. This will be a promise I make to myself, and Im gonna fulfill it. I dont hate you. I just hated myself. Hate myself for making myself suffer. Cant I just put everything down. And now, Im gonna do it. No matter how tough it is. Its as if im trying to step out of an addiction. And I got a favour to ask of you. I dont wanna hear a dont know from you anymore. Till you have a definite answer, please dont come and find me. To re-light the fire inside me. Giving me nothing but false hope. All these harsh words are kinda like, you bottled something up for too long, and it just burst out. Into a berzerk monster going unloose.

So now for yesterday update. Went to Bugis to find Rald and Roy. Went for praying, saw Ski in there. She was like so blur. Dont know who talked to her. Then after prayed finish, went to arcade find them, and SMS Ski that I was the one who talked to her. Lol. @ arcade, played Tekken 6 and the Otome Game. After all finished, we went for our dinner @ Red Hill. I ate Curry rice, Prata and Bobochacha. Not bad. Was bloated when finished. We then went back to Panjang. Met Jia Wei. Since Plaza got midnight sales, it was damn crowded and the atmosphere is quite good I must say. Thought can see people wearing Pyjamas shopping. LOL. Ending none. Bleh. Stayed till around 11pm then went back home.

*[[ And they lived happily ever after... ]]*
|10:03:00 AM|

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