Ever wonder do FairyTale even exist? Watched Enchanted today with LJ, JC, WX, Shuna and Ailena. The show itself is brilliant. A happy, sweet and romantic ending. Thinking of it, does fairytale or even miracles even happen in real world? In that show, they mentioned about "Ever lasting does not exist here". Which i think its really so true.. No matter how hard 1 individual try, there wont be a ever lasting happy ending. Dying? You might just go another "world" or dimension. Live on as the same as you died. Guess mankind are meant to live in agony for eternal. Never.. EVER.. able to RIP. Serious.. Hais. I dont wanna think about it le. Friends are there so i should do whatever i can to enjoy the times being with them. Keep my mind off unhappiness. =\ Will try.. Will do.. We met 9am today. Forcing me to wake up at 8am which is so early. That time of the day im still in my LALA land. Then go BP lrt. WX was late. For around 15mins? Think so, never really keep track on the time. Then we went to CCK there meet up with JC and depart for Woodlands le. Go there too early, most shops yet to open and we are kinda trapped. Lol. Then wait till 10am all shops opened then they went to buy tidbits, then we went up for movies. Enchanted. NICE story. I strongly recommend couples to watch it. =) Real nice and kinda romantic sweet feeling in there. We went for arcade after that, play initial D 4, which i just started for the first time along with LJ yesterday to play haha. TimeZone 1$ per game so its cheap. We decided to buy a card (3$) and play. Me, LJ, JC and Suf bought new cards yesterday. WX had one already. After that, we went for Yoshinoya. Ate some stuff and went back to BP plaza since the gals wanna find jobs. Look around, none suitable. Though no jobs, they are happy, since Ailena is able to work with us at the Hotel already. Haha. Nowadays, the feeling of gaming is seriously gone. Hais. Donno why. I just wanna be back the usual self. CAREFREE~
Hmm, just called Starhub. Kuku i was using net halfway kena cut. Then the person told me my place singnet is having maintainance. I was like WTF? Never inform + why singnet will kena starhub users one. Yesterday just went out with niece and nephew to buy new clothings. Guess its for New Year liao. I dont really fancy new clothes haha. But i bought a new BillaBong Pouch ^^ Wanted to buy OP de, but all ugly and not much design. So got a BillaBong one instead.
Yesterday went for training at 12am. Bla bla bla till 5pm. Then since me, Wx, Suf and LJ wearing the uniform style le, Jessie the Head of Manpower there ask us wanna work anot. She saw Suf so big size, she said " Woah, Big size, I like it " in chinese. Was so funny lo. JC cant work since he once again the odd one out among our group. Then once we finally decided to work, she said again got people wanna Kamikazee lol. Since most work 1st day sure got problems happening and stuff. The manager in charge for yesterday night was our training teacher. He can see us work right after his training. Guess he must be proud of us haha. Both manager English aint very good, but this one is the better one between both. The other one sometimes shows attitude. Kinda ATTP. Anyway, the training is about rolling tables, holding a small tray with 1 hand with water on top if it. Then carrying of LARGE tray with 10 people stuff on it to clear it at one shot. During the banquet wedding dinner, we are match up with 1 partner. 2 People 3 tables, standard for them. You gotta serve them, refill drinks/wine/tea, change plates, serve them new dishes all that. WX matched up with an Aunty haha. Who doesnt wanna do much things. LJ match up with a Chiobu -.-" Then she helped WX alot as well. Even asked see LJ wanna swap with WX but that Aunty dont want haha. I, matched up with a China Guy. His chinese omg.. But his attitude also abit prob la. Although he's most leader there, he keep bossing around. I dont really like him, but kinda learn stuff from him as well. Suf, since his waiter shirt too small, he gotta wait for XXXL. So he wore another type of polo shirt and work at the back as Bartender, refilling water and stuff alongside with another Uncle, who kept scolding him at beginning haha. We keep walking around changing stuff holding heavy stuff. Everything though tiring but nothing happens, Suf stand there nia, he actually torned his shoe -.-" We was like wtf? After the dinner, we kinda worked OT to clear up the mess and prepared for a turnover. We 4 left early, if not we will be like them, work till 2 - 5am. Oh well, its good experience although its tiring and painful. But im sure this will serve good for us NS in the future~
PS. Earned 33 bucks yesterday. Deducted 6 bucks for the name tag. =\ Now whole body aching argh.
Today morning, she just turned EMO again. I promised i wont and now its her turn. Ok. She kinda complain to me. This time round, i didnt go the soft way anymore le. I told her in a hard way, hope she really do understand and get them inside. She's just called me child and saying i dont know how important is money since my parents gave them to me whenever i want. Ok, this phrase really makes me mad. But i already did my best to console her and all that le.. Seems she dont really understand me as well.. I do understand sometimes, just donno how to express and i used a different way to solve it, asking her to think other stuff and such. Ending she thinks i dont care and dont understand her.. Hais. People who knows me should know i have a sucky temper. Getting angry easily. With her? I didnt at all.. I tried my best to cover it up and instead console her.. Sometimes.. Really.. Im just not suitable and "pei de shang" her.
Today she actually called me dar and muacks me again.. Im really very happy.. But i dont know whether does she mean it, or just trying to make me happy. Hais.. Its so sad sometimes. I will think this way cause she's so stress now and having the thought of giving up. So i cant really decide whether is it for real or just a lie.
I finding the same job as her but just different hotel is just hoping that, if we work till around the same hour, at least, somewhere out there, im with her.. Not at home slacking or what.. I dont want her to feel alone, lonely or feeling not cared for.. I do care for her. Just dont know how. I also hoped to sent her home whenever i can, but parents side should know noone can control. They wont allowed me to go out that late.. Unless its work. So working is just an excuse to have a similar lifestyle like her..
Just now chat with Darius for abit. Talked about her and us. Darius said i gotta try to understand her. Sometimes i do. Just dont know how to express out. And she thinks i dont understand. Seriously made me sad over this. I know she dont understand me at all as well. Which i dont even asked her to.. I just hope she can really FULLY accept me. Maybe its impossible. Though i promised to think positively. I know its not possible in my heart. Just hiding it. Not wanting to lie to myself. But oh well. Im a useless stead, person. So shant ask anything more. This is just life.
Today was asked to go lan with LJ, Tony, Suf and 2 other BB Boys. Tony got his team including him 3, while he asked LJ to find 2 more to VS CounterStrike. Then LJ find me and Suf. Ending I thrash them till dead dead XD. Ask me those who got clan online de, somemore im the clan leader -.-" Guess they wont find me play with them anymore bah haha.
Just now went to interview. Heart thinking it was those ulu hotel. Ending was a 5-stars one -.-" I was like o.O Anyway, just now at interchange wait for LJ godsis, she and her stead were late. Then we took bus 75 down. 45 mins journey, around there. Then we go down carpark area, past the security guard and enter the staff area. Straight the one who care man power de "Jessie" gave us application form and fill up. Then proceed into the OM office for interview, there were like aura of killing sia. When we first enter she was scolding 1 worker so loudly lol. But slowly it got better, since they spoke hokkien to each other, joke around and even say vulgar -.-" Next Saturday starting training. Gotta buy ourselves long black pants and black leather shoes. After the interview, we joked around and went to the shopping centre eat Mac, then play arcade. Then took bus home le. It was fun though with so many friends out at night =) Can count as my first time haha. But its gonna be tough days ahead for work.
Those present : Me, LJ, Suf, Wee Xiang, JC.
After yesterday stuff, im having mixed feelings over and over again. She said she's giving another chance and try out.. Though im happy hearing this, but im also sad. Sad that she treat this so technically by saying a chance.. Giving a chance its just like giving a body without heart.. Unless she can overcome the stress and show the feeling out, dont lock me outside of her heart like all this while, then im sure it will be a good one. The chance wont be wasted. My heart had already sort of given up hope yesterday le. Cant blame, since the impact is a big one.. I tried to maintain a peace mood and try talk things into her.. I know she's stress, i am too. But now she's giving this chance, no matter what im going to do my best. Ending results? Most probably a failure. Since her heart had already given up on this, just that she she bu de. I just really hope if she's willing to give this chance, then she should open up her heart to me, let me share her pain and understand her more. And show some love.. And not just like giving a chance but still so cold. It takes time i know, but time is running out.. Real fast..
What a way to pass this 3 months between us. Hais.
Anyway, Happy 3 months bah. I know this is not of any significant use le. But oh well. Thanks for those who cared anyway ^^ <3 Going for interview later soon le. At donno which kuku Water Front hotel at Tiong Bahru area. Going with LJ and Suf, LJ Godsis work there liao, then ask LJ along, then he asked me along, i asked Suf haha. Chain combo. Anyway, wish me luck bah XD Gonna be stress and tired if start working. But im going to leech some experience for future usage ^^
Finally. Today is the last day of our school. Went to school. With quite a down mood.. Our class is the most formal of all since we got a vid from Ms Yong. She didnt come since she's married yesterday night. CONGRATS TO MS YONG / MRS TSENG. THANKS FOR TEACHING US FOR THESE YEARS. WE WILL REMEMBER YOU FOREVER. ROCKS ON! Dont know why, i feel touch by all these, she specially on her wedding day record us a video specially for us. Maybe its im thinking how should i tell her stuff bah. So cant really get the right emotion. Then we went for a buffet.
I chat with her alot during that time. Understand her more.. But that might be the last time i will talk to her up so close le. Must know this, i wont care, bother or even feel anything if i dont love her soooo much.. If i dont love her so much, why will I care? People who know me well, should know i usually have heck care attitude de.. But towards her, i never once have this attitude. I try to do better and save the relationship whenever i can. Make it better.. She's really stressed up now, and im at fault for saying she dont care me that day when she's busy working. I know its my bad.. Am really regret.. I feel your pain. And i felt the pain myself.. But i do really hope she give me the chance to further understand. Maybe no chance le. But i just wanna voice all these out. Those which i cant really say infront of you and dont know how to tell you. I DO really care you de. But since start, this is my first ever serious relationship. So sometimes im really useless and dont know what to do. Im trying hard to do stuff which makes you happy and know i care.. But i guess i failed le bah. Maybe its the wrong way. But i will strive on and try again. I wont back down. Let me know her problems. I WILL share the pain with her. Since this is what true love is about. I wont back down from pain. I love her lots and am willing to do so. This is my first ever time loving someone so deep.. Seriously.. Any lies can just strike me to death.. She's now in a mess and she's making a decision whether to give up or not.. I really dont wanna think negative. So i will hope and pray that she give a positive answer and not a negative one. Chances are given by ourselves, not others. I do hope she will do the same. Even if something bad really happens, i will still care for her. Even its in the silence.. She might be leaving for LA soon.. But i do really hope, these last few months she give me the chance to make her memories sweet and memorable. I know im always emo and think too much in the past. I promise i wont ever do it again, as long as you share your problems with me. This will allow me to know you much better and more. I really do treasure those sweet memories you had given me and share with me. Its craved in my heart no matter what happens. Once its crafted, forever it will stay crafted. You might think this is all lies, but i swear it is not. What i stated here are all truth and facts coming from deep down my heart. Life still goes on no matter how stress. Relationship is just a side-track action. As long as you dont get affected by stress, im sure this relationship will be a good, meaningful and happy one, one which can let you forget the sadness. =) I will treasure it if you give me a chance. I will be there for you no matter what. Promise..
You might not read this at all. But this is all from my heart. Truth and facts. I dont know how to tell you upfront. Neither i wanna find someone else to say it to. So blogging is the only way to let it out. Fully out le.. Tomorrow is gonna be our 3 months le. Hope there will be more months ahead for us. And not end it on 3 months - 1 day relation.. I actually sort of gave up my usual gaming / zombie lifestyle and spent more time with you le. And even last time you say i always spent time with friends more than you, I also changed le. Mostly with you instead of friends. Even rejecting them to go out and spent time with you.. And i do whatever i can to not go too close to gals, preventing you from feeling jealous.. No matter what. I still want to thank you for accepting me and letting me be your stead.. Really thanks. For someone so useless like me, you accepted.. Seeing u so sad and teared, really pain me lots.. Please dont ever be sad again.. Sorry for being such a useless stead.. No matter what your answer will be, hope you will be happy bah ^^. =)
Okay, i have decided. To persevere on. For her and for the relationship~ Thinking back the sweet times we have. Not worth it to give up. Rocks on! =)
Hope we can at least improve our situation and spend more time together bah. And not let it turn cold. And last forever =) <3 her
I tried being cheerful but failed. Hais. Her attitude after she started work changed.. Reply sms so short, sometimes dont even reply.. I even lost sleep cause of her.. Feel so stressed up now.. Now the question is, should i give up?
Yesterday nearly unleashed my full zombie mode after the 2 cases. =\ Anyway, today i just clear my doubts with her le.. And she gave me an answer. Its a good one =) And i gotta trust this. Believe in this. No matter what, i will support her de. Since thats all i can do now. Now its time for me to cheer up /promised. For her for me, and especially thanks to my mei mei PX~ She's there for me when im depress heh. Really thanks alot. <3 So now, i gotta recover from my emo self and not be emo. Stay strong is all i can do, maybe a job will keep me occupy soon. ROAR!
Firstly, read this if you dont mind emo-ism. Here goes. This weekend really turn me REAL emo. Hais. Firstly her.. She got a new job, 5pm-12am. Worry me enough le. Then see her always so stress and pain me.. But this is not the main point bah.. She still didnt treat me as first in her heart.. That time was studies earning the first place. Now job.. Hais, guess im really not worth anything. Maybe after she starts her job, we will slowly drift apart. No longer that close and sweet. Might not even be stead status anymore. Then if we move on to poly, different one i guess. Since she wanna go SP so her cousin can look after her while i go NP. Knowing more guys she might just fall for others. And i might not even know. I know this is all about trust. But worries always come no matter how much we trust. It will definitely hurt even more. And if she didnt make it to poly, she's gonna emigrate to LA to live with her aunt. This is even worse? Hais. Sometimes i really think should i give up? Since the future aint that bright.. And her heart i guess dont really have me fully yet.. Hais. Maybe i think too much, but this is what i fear of. Second, friends. I hated friends. HATE! Im so gonna trust noone from now onwards man. That time we kinda agree to get job together le. Ending -?- go interview without telling me. Its still okay la. Since im used to being left out le. And maybe it reaches my limit le bah.. Cant stand it anymore. Its just like 2 years ago. That case with my ex-classmates. ARGH. Life sucks. After listening to radio just now, it talks about low tide and high tide of life. And must have durability and stay strong during low. Believe in hope. Now i was wondering, is hope even there?
PS. Looking at the elderly, i really pei fu them for staying strong for so long.
Now at my cousin house using her laptop.. Hais.. Today dar go for job interview. Succeeded in Pan Pacific Hotel as waitress.. Her working time for tomorrow is from 5pm-12am.. Seriously very worry about her le.. So late somemore.. Hais.. But what can i do.. Her parent keep stressing her to earn money.. Somemore its for them.. Cant really understand these kind of parents.. I really wanna share the pain with her.. But all i can do is just support her behind.. Love her all i can.. And guide her along as far as i can.. Hope all will be alright bah.. Really love her too much to have anything happened between us le.. =\
Yesterday spent some time download some songs. FIR and Zhou Chuan Xiong album. Yue ya wan just rocks la! Anyway, yesterday night just update my PSP firmware from 3.40OE-A to M33 3.52-4. Cause WWE 2008 cant use 3.40 to play meh. Heng never brick hehe. Today going cousin house. Hmm then dar early in the morning go find job le. Thats fast sia. =\ Hais. I havent find yet haha. Think going with LJ soon bah. Hope so..
Meh, firstly. Me and her is totally resolved le. We totally fully accept each other le. So all should go well ^^ <3
Currently downloading PSP WWE Raw VS Smack 2008. Hmm, 2007 one doesnt work. So gonna try this one out. Im still scared of starting Silent Hill : Origin lol. The start screen of it alone is scary enough >.<" Guess im really sucky in these kind of horror games =\ But its still real tempting haha. So one of these days im gonna try it out! ROAR. =)
Hais. Yesterday night, been thinking lots of stuff.. Then never really sleep. Then the more i think, the major headache i had worsen.. When i slightly fell asleep.. I just dreamt bad stuff about her.. =\ Hais.. Guess our time is really running out. Next week i will get the final answer le bah i suppose. It anything went wrong, its just fate. Cant blame anyone for it.. Thats why i have the preparation for accepting the worse scenerio. =( Oh well. But what really touches my heart today is what she sent me.. Though i know she's only half awaken, what she sent really warm my heart. Saying that she had already accepted me, and what i've done is true love between 2 person. Its really sweet hearing this out of a loved one.. Really very sweet.. But what i want is the full acceptance.. Not just a ordinary acceptance.. Just hope all leads well bah. But these few days, it really makes me lose ton of confidence le.. Not in her, but myself.. ~Peace~
Today is the day after my final O paper. Now life is boring again. Wake up, on com, bathe, eat then play com. The process will like carry on itself. Till maybe i found a job bah. Cant see friends, neither can see her that often le =\ Sad ah. Then somemore that annoying bastard Royston like to come taunt me for nothing. Think he big fuck nia. Got rejected still pester gals. A disgrace to guys man. He should just be killed. What i said, is what i meant. Mother fucker SOAB. Tolerated him long enough. He reached up limit. And i shant give him any "face". He dares to taunt and confront me, i dare to make sure he shut his ass up. He wanna act beng whenever he's infront of gals eh? Yeah, i said violence cant solve things. But this kid seek violence. Sec 2 kid wanna know what's the real meaning of love haha. He got it all wrong then. I promised her i will just ignore him from now onwards. And thats what im gonna do. As long as he dont come bother me. His english basically sucks and still wanna come "talk" english with me. Ha. Real funny when i read his text online. Just made a fool out of himself.
GAME OVER!
Yeah its finally over. XD Everyone was like WEE~ YAY~ Scream around. Im was like -.- Haha. Yeah no feelings at all. What's there to be happy about. You will never know when you will have this second chance to have this feeling haha. =X Anyway, today me and her was rather sweet hehe. After yesterday emo, today so sweet keke. =) - Promised i will not be that emo anymore. - For her and for me. =) Cheers!
I seriously hate myself alot. Why must I always make myself emo, then even affect her. Why.. Hais. Today we just sort of argue again. All because of my emo mood. Fuck. Hais. Just kinda solved it, she still havent fully accept me.. Thats the reason.. One who dont accept full will not be able to like and love the other deeply as well. Nearly 3 months le, she still havent fully accept me.. And she also dont know why. Hais.. How i wish one day she will fully accept me. Then this will be the best out of our relation le.. =\
Currently listening to Jyukai - Hoshi Akari. Yeah a Japanese song. A very soothing and nice one. Find it if you like these kind of songs. =) These type of songs make me emo. Yeah, i know its not good. But when im alone, i usually listen to these type. Thus making me emo haha. The root of problem eh? But i just love it.. 2 more days and our O will be completed. Just 2 more days. With 3 papers remaining. Social Studies being the next up. Hope can get a passing grade for SS so i at least can get a good C grade back =\ Dar now at Vivo. Heard she's gonna buy a new phone le. Not sure, see how lo. XD She too happy over the phone till dont want me liao lol. =X Totally forgot about me and throw me 1 side haha. Currently downloading 1 new anime as well. Lucky Star. With one of the character voice acted by Aya Hirano~ Yeah she again, my MSN Display picture is her haha. She voice act Haruhi too. Real good singer and voice acting skills~ Now im also starting to watch Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha StrikerS and 黑糖玛奇朵 le. 黑糖玛奇朵 1st episode was so lame man haha. More of a comedy show i guess. And i just released 彤彤 is already out of the 9 niu nius of 黑澀會美眉 haha.. Sad case. But i dont really know her much. So no harm done XD
This blog seems kinda dead eh? >.> Haha noone tag or whatsoever. But oh well, blog is for me to leave memories down. Be it sad or happy moments. It's worth recording down. So when im free in the future, im able to see what silly stuff i have done. Nowadays, whenever im doing nothing. Thoughts just flew into my mind. Emo thoughts that is. Thinking of future. Which is a sad one. =\ How i wish i can just stay carefree forever. This will make me to a happy person. Guess so. Sometimes i really wonder, isit the right choice getting into a relationship with her? Or maybe with anyone. Seems like i just worry too much and its like not ready at all.. =\ I dont wanna think this way, cause being with her is seriously very happy moment. Able to hold the one you love's hands, hugs her tightly or even to call her dear and being near to her.. Its just so nice.. Hais. Small little kiss will just brighten up the day as well =\ But the thoughts.. The fear of losing her or seperating.. Its just sickening. Hope to not to think of it. But gradually, the thoughts just return. Cant we be together for eternity. Nothing will seperate or stop us for being together. Just the world of us both. Nothing will disrupt. Meh. Getting overly emo le. Heck me bah XD.
~ Wish usually wont happen. I know it. But this time round, i chose to wish and believe in it. ~
Encounting the days remaining. Mix feelings. Hais. Happy being finally over. Scared being the chances of going Poly is not high. Sad being the day of seperating with friends and maybe even her is getting closer. =( Seriously. These are haunting me day and night. Making me emo all over it. Seriously, tears will flow down from my eyes if im those more soft hearted people. After all these years, i had suffered lots. So maybe the "cold" heart of mine prevent me from crying out. She finally got back her net le. She's also into gaming. Thinking of the day, seriously sad.. Seperating is kinda a fate to face. Dont ask why. Cause she treats study more important than me. So if anything goes wrong. Yeah. =\ For my case, im always kinda carefree. But best hope is able to promote to Poly. The course i wanted. * Though i dont know what course i wanted * Just need to see the list of courses available for me, then i will want it. How i wish fate wont always be that cruel. Hais. Just wanna stay together with her forever. Though nothing is happening between us, but i always have a strong feeling towards stuff. So i planned ahead, alot more than anyone will. This is me since young i guess. Even when im in Pri, i thought of death. As in natural of old age, not suicide. =\ Guess thats why online, people usually thought im 18+ when im just around 10.
~ Wish fate would just be nice. Let me be with her forever. Preventing anything from happening.. Nothing bad at all.. ~
Kelvin aka Shao
GPA 3.5 above
[[ The Wives ]]
kairi [kingdom hearts]
[[ The Mage Power ]]
Roy Kelvin Sufyan
[[ The Related ]]
bryan [kor]
[[ The Memories ]]
January 2005
[[ The Clock ]]
18+
1.75m / 55kg
ITE West Dover : Info Tech
<3 NEKO!
<3 <3 <3 SHANA!!!
<3 Strawberry ^^
<3 Bitter Choco =)
<3 Mint~
<3 Sad and Emo Songs [Classical / Oldies]
WoW ShadowSong : NekoShana
PSP : Metallic Blue
NDS : Metallic Pink
[[ The Wishlist ]]
To find a gal I truly love <3
To be with the gal I love
Success in everything
Gaming stuff
Able to master WoW Mage class ^^
nagato yuki [melancholy of haruhi suzumiya]
rikku [final fantasy X]
yuffie [final fantasy VII]
millia rage [guilty gear]
primula [shuffle!]
illyasviel von einzbern / ilya [fate/stay night]
natsuki [mai-hime]
shana [shakugan no shana]
fate testarossa [magical girl lyrical nanoha]
toda erika / misa [deathnote]
kari [digimon]
shiki [the world ends with you]
HER!
amanda [jie]
wenhui [jie]
daphne [jie]
edelyn [jie]
shuna [mei]
wanxin [mei]
xiuwen [mei]
xianzhen [mei]
xinyu [mei]
peixuan [mei]
kaichi [mei]
meilian [mei]
huili [mei]
maki-chan [didi]
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
ailena
bryan -kor-
carina
cerenna
chwee kok
clarissa
darius
dan
daniel
diya
edward
felicia
fildza
iris
jessie
jie ting
jian zong
jocelyn
jun chang
jun ru
li jiang -cockroach-
ling jia
maki-chan -didi-
mas
mr eddy
mr ken ng
mr leroy sng
mr royston lee
mr yong
ms shawna
ms wong
patrick
pei xuan -mei-
peter
sandy -special one-
sharon au
shikin
shu na
sin yu
ski
sofie
ting ting -gal gal-
tom
tony
venessa
weely -mei-
wee xiang
wei ze
wen hui -jie-
xian zhen -mei-
xin yu -mei-
xiu wen -mei-
yan ling
zhen chuan
[[ Don't talk crap, it's fucking rude ]]
Ever wonder do FairyTale even exist? Watched Enchanted today with LJ, JC, WX, Shuna and Ailena. The show itself is brilliant. A happy, sweet and romantic ending. Thinking of it, does fairytale or even miracles even happen in real world? In that show, they mentioned about "Ever lasting does not exist here". Which i think its really so true.. No matter how hard 1 individual try, there wont be a ever lasting happy ending. Dying? You might just go another "world" or dimension. Live on as the same as you died. Guess mankind are meant to live in agony for eternal. Never.. EVER.. able to RIP. Serious.. Hais. I dont wanna think about it le. Friends are there so i should do whatever i can to enjoy the times being with them. Keep my mind off unhappiness. =\ Will try.. Will do.. We met 9am today. Forcing me to wake up at 8am which is so early. That time of the day im still in my LALA land. Then go BP lrt. WX was late. For around 15mins? Think so, never really keep track on the time. Then we went to CCK there meet up with JC and depart for Woodlands le. Go there too early, most shops yet to open and we are kinda trapped. Lol. Then wait till 10am all shops opened then they went to buy tidbits, then we went up for movies. Enchanted. NICE story. I strongly recommend couples to watch it. =) Real nice and kinda romantic sweet feeling in there. We went for arcade after that, play initial D 4, which i just started for the first time along with LJ yesterday to play haha. TimeZone 1$ per game so its cheap. We decided to buy a card (3$) and play. Me, LJ, JC and Suf bought new cards yesterday. WX had one already. After that, we went for Yoshinoya. Ate some stuff and went back to BP plaza since the gals wanna find jobs. Look around, none suitable. Though no jobs, they are happy, since Ailena is able to work with us at the Hotel already. Haha. Nowadays, the feeling of gaming is seriously gone. Hais. Donno why. I just wanna be back the usual self. CAREFREE~
Hmm, just called Starhub. Kuku i was using net halfway kena cut. Then the person told me my place singnet is having maintainance. I was like WTF? Never inform + why singnet will kena starhub users one. Yesterday just went out with niece and nephew to buy new clothings. Guess its for New Year liao. I dont really fancy new clothes haha. But i bought a new BillaBong Pouch ^^ Wanted to buy OP de, but all ugly and not much design. So got a BillaBong one instead.
Yesterday went for training at 12am. Bla bla bla till 5pm. Then since me, Wx, Suf and LJ wearing the uniform style le, Jessie the Head of Manpower there ask us wanna work anot. She saw Suf so big size, she said " Woah, Big size, I like it " in chinese. Was so funny lo. JC cant work since he once again the odd one out among our group. Then once we finally decided to work, she said again got people wanna Kamikazee lol. Since most work 1st day sure got problems happening and stuff. The manager in charge for yesterday night was our training teacher. He can see us work right after his training. Guess he must be proud of us haha. Both manager English aint very good, but this one is the better one between both. The other one sometimes shows attitude. Kinda ATTP. Anyway, the training is about rolling tables, holding a small tray with 1 hand with water on top if it. Then carrying of LARGE tray with 10 people stuff on it to clear it at one shot. During the banquet wedding dinner, we are match up with 1 partner. 2 People 3 tables, standard for them. You gotta serve them, refill drinks/wine/tea, change plates, serve them new dishes all that. WX matched up with an Aunty haha. Who doesnt wanna do much things. LJ match up with a Chiobu -.-" Then she helped WX alot as well. Even asked see LJ wanna swap with WX but that Aunty dont want haha. I, matched up with a China Guy. His chinese omg.. But his attitude also abit prob la. Although he's most leader there, he keep bossing around. I dont really like him, but kinda learn stuff from him as well. Suf, since his waiter shirt too small, he gotta wait for XXXL. So he wore another type of polo shirt and work at the back as Bartender, refilling water and stuff alongside with another Uncle, who kept scolding him at beginning haha. We keep walking around changing stuff holding heavy stuff. Everything though tiring but nothing happens, Suf stand there nia, he actually torned his shoe -.-" We was like wtf? After the dinner, we kinda worked OT to clear up the mess and prepared for a turnover. We 4 left early, if not we will be like them, work till 2 - 5am. Oh well, its good experience although its tiring and painful. But im sure this will serve good for us NS in the future~
PS. Earned 33 bucks yesterday. Deducted 6 bucks for the name tag. =\ Now whole body aching argh.
Today morning, she just turned EMO again. I promised i wont and now its her turn. Ok. She kinda complain to me. This time round, i didnt go the soft way anymore le. I told her in a hard way, hope she really do understand and get them inside. She's just called me child and saying i dont know how important is money since my parents gave them to me whenever i want. Ok, this phrase really makes me mad. But i already did my best to console her and all that le.. Seems she dont really understand me as well.. I do understand sometimes, just donno how to express and i used a different way to solve it, asking her to think other stuff and such. Ending she thinks i dont care and dont understand her.. Hais. People who knows me should know i have a sucky temper. Getting angry easily. With her? I didnt at all.. I tried my best to cover it up and instead console her.. Sometimes.. Really.. Im just not suitable and "pei de shang" her.
Today she actually called me dar and muacks me again.. Im really very happy.. But i dont know whether does she mean it, or just trying to make me happy. Hais.. Its so sad sometimes. I will think this way cause she's so stress now and having the thought of giving up. So i cant really decide whether is it for real or just a lie.
I finding the same job as her but just different hotel is just hoping that, if we work till around the same hour, at least, somewhere out there, im with her.. Not at home slacking or what.. I dont want her to feel alone, lonely or feeling not cared for.. I do care for her. Just dont know how. I also hoped to sent her home whenever i can, but parents side should know noone can control. They wont allowed me to go out that late.. Unless its work. So working is just an excuse to have a similar lifestyle like her..
Just now chat with Darius for abit. Talked about her and us. Darius said i gotta try to understand her. Sometimes i do. Just dont know how to express out. And she thinks i dont understand. Seriously made me sad over this. I know she dont understand me at all as well. Which i dont even asked her to.. I just hope she can really FULLY accept me. Maybe its impossible. Though i promised to think positively. I know its not possible in my heart. Just hiding it. Not wanting to lie to myself. But oh well. Im a useless stead, person. So shant ask anything more. This is just life.
Today was asked to go lan with LJ, Tony, Suf and 2 other BB Boys. Tony got his team including him 3, while he asked LJ to find 2 more to VS CounterStrike. Then LJ find me and Suf. Ending I thrash them till dead dead XD. Ask me those who got clan online de, somemore im the clan leader -.-" Guess they wont find me play with them anymore bah haha.
Just now went to interview. Heart thinking it was those ulu hotel. Ending was a 5-stars one -.-" I was like o.O Anyway, just now at interchange wait for LJ godsis, she and her stead were late. Then we took bus 75 down. 45 mins journey, around there. Then we go down carpark area, past the security guard and enter the staff area. Straight the one who care man power de "Jessie" gave us application form and fill up. Then proceed into the OM office for interview, there were like aura of killing sia. When we first enter she was scolding 1 worker so loudly lol. But slowly it got better, since they spoke hokkien to each other, joke around and even say vulgar -.-" Next Saturday starting training. Gotta buy ourselves long black pants and black leather shoes. After the interview, we joked around and went to the shopping centre eat Mac, then play arcade. Then took bus home le. It was fun though with so many friends out at night =) Can count as my first time haha. But its gonna be tough days ahead for work.
Those present : Me, LJ, Suf, Wee Xiang, JC.
After yesterday stuff, im having mixed feelings over and over again. She said she's giving another chance and try out.. Though im happy hearing this, but im also sad. Sad that she treat this so technically by saying a chance.. Giving a chance its just like giving a body without heart.. Unless she can overcome the stress and show the feeling out, dont lock me outside of her heart like all this while, then im sure it will be a good one. The chance wont be wasted. My heart had already sort of given up hope yesterday le. Cant blame, since the impact is a big one.. I tried to maintain a peace mood and try talk things into her.. I know she's stress, i am too. But now she's giving this chance, no matter what im going to do my best. Ending results? Most probably a failure. Since her heart had already given up on this, just that she she bu de. I just really hope if she's willing to give this chance, then she should open up her heart to me, let me share her pain and understand her more. And show some love.. And not just like giving a chance but still so cold. It takes time i know, but time is running out.. Real fast..
What a way to pass this 3 months between us. Hais.
Anyway, Happy 3 months bah. I know this is not of any significant use le. But oh well. Thanks for those who cared anyway ^^ <3 Going for interview later soon le. At donno which kuku Water Front hotel at Tiong Bahru area. Going with LJ and Suf, LJ Godsis work there liao, then ask LJ along, then he asked me along, i asked Suf haha. Chain combo. Anyway, wish me luck bah XD Gonna be stress and tired if start working. But im going to leech some experience for future usage ^^
Finally. Today is the last day of our school. Went to school. With quite a down mood.. Our class is the most formal of all since we got a vid from Ms Yong. She didnt come since she's married yesterday night. CONGRATS TO MS YONG / MRS TSENG. THANKS FOR TEACHING US FOR THESE YEARS. WE WILL REMEMBER YOU FOREVER. ROCKS ON! Dont know why, i feel touch by all these, she specially on her wedding day record us a video specially for us. Maybe its im thinking how should i tell her stuff bah. So cant really get the right emotion. Then we went for a buffet.
I chat with her alot during that time. Understand her more.. But that might be the last time i will talk to her up so close le. Must know this, i wont care, bother or even feel anything if i dont love her soooo much.. If i dont love her so much, why will I care? People who know me well, should know i usually have heck care attitude de.. But towards her, i never once have this attitude. I try to do better and save the relationship whenever i can. Make it better.. She's really stressed up now, and im at fault for saying she dont care me that day when she's busy working. I know its my bad.. Am really regret.. I feel your pain. And i felt the pain myself.. But i do really hope she give me the chance to further understand. Maybe no chance le. But i just wanna voice all these out. Those which i cant really say infront of you and dont know how to tell you. I DO really care you de. But since start, this is my first ever serious relationship. So sometimes im really useless and dont know what to do. Im trying hard to do stuff which makes you happy and know i care.. But i guess i failed le bah. Maybe its the wrong way. But i will strive on and try again. I wont back down. Let me know her problems. I WILL share the pain with her. Since this is what true love is about. I wont back down from pain. I love her lots and am willing to do so. This is my first ever time loving someone so deep.. Seriously.. Any lies can just strike me to death.. She's now in a mess and she's making a decision whether to give up or not.. I really dont wanna think negative. So i will hope and pray that she give a positive answer and not a negative one. Chances are given by ourselves, not others. I do hope she will do the same. Even if something bad really happens, i will still care for her. Even its in the silence.. She might be leaving for LA soon.. But i do really hope, these last few months she give me the chance to make her memories sweet and memorable. I know im always emo and think too much in the past. I promise i wont ever do it again, as long as you share your problems with me. This will allow me to know you much better and more. I really do treasure those sweet memories you had given me and share with me. Its craved in my heart no matter what happens. Once its crafted, forever it will stay crafted. You might think this is all lies, but i swear it is not. What i stated here are all truth and facts coming from deep down my heart. Life still goes on no matter how stress. Relationship is just a side-track action. As long as you dont get affected by stress, im sure this relationship will be a good, meaningful and happy one, one which can let you forget the sadness. =) I will treasure it if you give me a chance. I will be there for you no matter what. Promise..
You might not read this at all. But this is all from my heart. Truth and facts. I dont know how to tell you upfront. Neither i wanna find someone else to say it to. So blogging is the only way to let it out. Fully out le.. Tomorrow is gonna be our 3 months le. Hope there will be more months ahead for us. And not end it on 3 months - 1 day relation.. I actually sort of gave up my usual gaming / zombie lifestyle and spent more time with you le. And even last time you say i always spent time with friends more than you, I also changed le. Mostly with you instead of friends. Even rejecting them to go out and spent time with you.. And i do whatever i can to not go too close to gals, preventing you from feeling jealous.. No matter what. I still want to thank you for accepting me and letting me be your stead.. Really thanks. For someone so useless like me, you accepted.. Seeing u so sad and teared, really pain me lots.. Please dont ever be sad again.. Sorry for being such a useless stead.. No matter what your answer will be, hope you will be happy bah ^^. =)
Okay, i have decided. To persevere on. For her and for the relationship~ Thinking back the sweet times we have. Not worth it to give up. Rocks on! =)
Hope we can at least improve our situation and spend more time together bah. And not let it turn cold. And last forever =) <3 her
I tried being cheerful but failed. Hais. Her attitude after she started work changed.. Reply sms so short, sometimes dont even reply.. I even lost sleep cause of her.. Feel so stressed up now.. Now the question is, should i give up?
Yesterday nearly unleashed my full zombie mode after the 2 cases. =\ Anyway, today i just clear my doubts with her le.. And she gave me an answer. Its a good one =) And i gotta trust this. Believe in this. No matter what, i will support her de. Since thats all i can do now. Now its time for me to cheer up /promised. For her for me, and especially thanks to my mei mei PX~ She's there for me when im depress heh. Really thanks alot. <3 So now, i gotta recover from my emo self and not be emo. Stay strong is all i can do, maybe a job will keep me occupy soon. ROAR!
Firstly, read this if you dont mind emo-ism. Here goes. This weekend really turn me REAL emo. Hais. Firstly her.. She got a new job, 5pm-12am. Worry me enough le. Then see her always so stress and pain me.. But this is not the main point bah.. She still didnt treat me as first in her heart.. That time was studies earning the first place. Now job.. Hais, guess im really not worth anything. Maybe after she starts her job, we will slowly drift apart. No longer that close and sweet. Might not even be stead status anymore. Then if we move on to poly, different one i guess. Since she wanna go SP so her cousin can look after her while i go NP. Knowing more guys she might just fall for others. And i might not even know. I know this is all about trust. But worries always come no matter how much we trust. It will definitely hurt even more. And if she didnt make it to poly, she's gonna emigrate to LA to live with her aunt. This is even worse? Hais. Sometimes i really think should i give up? Since the future aint that bright.. And her heart i guess dont really have me fully yet.. Hais. Maybe i think too much, but this is what i fear of. Second, friends. I hated friends. HATE! Im so gonna trust noone from now onwards man. That time we kinda agree to get job together le. Ending -?- go interview without telling me. Its still okay la. Since im used to being left out le. And maybe it reaches my limit le bah.. Cant stand it anymore. Its just like 2 years ago. That case with my ex-classmates. ARGH. Life sucks. After listening to radio just now, it talks about low tide and high tide of life. And must have durability and stay strong during low. Believe in hope. Now i was wondering, is hope even there?
PS. Looking at the elderly, i really pei fu them for staying strong for so long.
Now at my cousin house using her laptop.. Hais.. Today dar go for job interview. Succeeded in Pan Pacific Hotel as waitress.. Her working time for tomorrow is from 5pm-12am.. Seriously very worry about her le.. So late somemore.. Hais.. But what can i do.. Her parent keep stressing her to earn money.. Somemore its for them.. Cant really understand these kind of parents.. I really wanna share the pain with her.. But all i can do is just support her behind.. Love her all i can.. And guide her along as far as i can.. Hope all will be alright bah.. Really love her too much to have anything happened between us le.. =\
Yesterday spent some time download some songs. FIR and Zhou Chuan Xiong album. Yue ya wan just rocks la! Anyway, yesterday night just update my PSP firmware from 3.40OE-A to M33 3.52-4. Cause WWE 2008 cant use 3.40 to play meh. Heng never brick hehe. Today going cousin house. Hmm then dar early in the morning go find job le. Thats fast sia. =\ Hais. I havent find yet haha. Think going with LJ soon bah. Hope so..
Meh, firstly. Me and her is totally resolved le. We totally fully accept each other le. So all should go well ^^ <3
Currently downloading PSP WWE Raw VS Smack 2008. Hmm, 2007 one doesnt work. So gonna try this one out. Im still scared of starting Silent Hill : Origin lol. The start screen of it alone is scary enough >.<" Guess im really sucky in these kind of horror games =\ But its still real tempting haha. So one of these days im gonna try it out! ROAR. =)
Hais. Yesterday night, been thinking lots of stuff.. Then never really sleep. Then the more i think, the major headache i had worsen.. When i slightly fell asleep.. I just dreamt bad stuff about her.. =\ Hais.. Guess our time is really running out. Next week i will get the final answer le bah i suppose. It anything went wrong, its just fate. Cant blame anyone for it.. Thats why i have the preparation for accepting the worse scenerio. =( Oh well. But what really touches my heart today is what she sent me.. Though i know she's only half awaken, what she sent really warm my heart. Saying that she had already accepted me, and what i've done is true love between 2 person. Its really sweet hearing this out of a loved one.. Really very sweet.. But what i want is the full acceptance.. Not just a ordinary acceptance.. Just hope all leads well bah. But these few days, it really makes me lose ton of confidence le.. Not in her, but myself.. ~Peace~
Today is the day after my final O paper. Now life is boring again. Wake up, on com, bathe, eat then play com. The process will like carry on itself. Till maybe i found a job bah. Cant see friends, neither can see her that often le =\ Sad ah. Then somemore that annoying bastard Royston like to come taunt me for nothing. Think he big fuck nia. Got rejected still pester gals. A disgrace to guys man. He should just be killed. What i said, is what i meant. Mother fucker SOAB. Tolerated him long enough. He reached up limit. And i shant give him any "face". He dares to taunt and confront me, i dare to make sure he shut his ass up. He wanna act beng whenever he's infront of gals eh? Yeah, i said violence cant solve things. But this kid seek violence. Sec 2 kid wanna know what's the real meaning of love haha. He got it all wrong then. I promised her i will just ignore him from now onwards. And thats what im gonna do. As long as he dont come bother me. His english basically sucks and still wanna come "talk" english with me. Ha. Real funny when i read his text online. Just made a fool out of himself.
GAME OVER!
Yeah its finally over. XD Everyone was like WEE~ YAY~ Scream around. Im was like -.- Haha. Yeah no feelings at all. What's there to be happy about. You will never know when you will have this second chance to have this feeling haha. =X Anyway, today me and her was rather sweet hehe. After yesterday emo, today so sweet keke. =) - Promised i will not be that emo anymore. - For her and for me. =) Cheers!
I seriously hate myself alot. Why must I always make myself emo, then even affect her. Why.. Hais. Today we just sort of argue again. All because of my emo mood. Fuck. Hais. Just kinda solved it, she still havent fully accept me.. Thats the reason.. One who dont accept full will not be able to like and love the other deeply as well. Nearly 3 months le, she still havent fully accept me.. And she also dont know why. Hais.. How i wish one day she will fully accept me. Then this will be the best out of our relation le.. =\
Currently listening to Jyukai - Hoshi Akari. Yeah a Japanese song. A very soothing and nice one. Find it if you like these kind of songs. =) These type of songs make me emo. Yeah, i know its not good. But when im alone, i usually listen to these type. Thus making me emo haha. The root of problem eh? But i just love it.. 2 more days and our O will be completed. Just 2 more days. With 3 papers remaining. Social Studies being the next up. Hope can get a passing grade for SS so i at least can get a good C grade back =\ Dar now at Vivo. Heard she's gonna buy a new phone le. Not sure, see how lo. XD She too happy over the phone till dont want me liao lol. =X Totally forgot about me and throw me 1 side haha. Currently downloading 1 new anime as well. Lucky Star. With one of the character voice acted by Aya Hirano~ Yeah she again, my MSN Display picture is her haha. She voice act Haruhi too. Real good singer and voice acting skills~ Now im also starting to watch Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha StrikerS and 黑糖玛奇朵 le. 黑糖玛奇朵 1st episode was so lame man haha. More of a comedy show i guess. And i just released 彤彤 is already out of the 9 niu nius of 黑澀會美眉 haha.. Sad case. But i dont really know her much. So no harm done XD
This blog seems kinda dead eh? >.> Haha noone tag or whatsoever. But oh well, blog is for me to leave memories down. Be it sad or happy moments. It's worth recording down. So when im free in the future, im able to see what silly stuff i have done. Nowadays, whenever im doing nothing. Thoughts just flew into my mind. Emo thoughts that is. Thinking of future. Which is a sad one. =\ How i wish i can just stay carefree forever. This will make me to a happy person. Guess so. Sometimes i really wonder, isit the right choice getting into a relationship with her? Or maybe with anyone. Seems like i just worry too much and its like not ready at all.. =\ I dont wanna think this way, cause being with her is seriously very happy moment. Able to hold the one you love's hands, hugs her tightly or even to call her dear and being near to her.. Its just so nice.. Hais. Small little kiss will just brighten up the day as well =\ But the thoughts.. The fear of losing her or seperating.. Its just sickening. Hope to not to think of it. But gradually, the thoughts just return. Cant we be together for eternity. Nothing will seperate or stop us for being together. Just the world of us both. Nothing will disrupt. Meh. Getting overly emo le. Heck me bah XD.
~ Wish usually wont happen. I know it. But this time round, i chose to wish and believe in it. ~
Encounting the days remaining. Mix feelings. Hais. Happy being finally over. Scared being the chances of going Poly is not high. Sad being the day of seperating with friends and maybe even her is getting closer. =( Seriously. These are haunting me day and night. Making me emo all over it. Seriously, tears will flow down from my eyes if im those more soft hearted people. After all these years, i had suffered lots. So maybe the "cold" heart of mine prevent me from crying out. She finally got back her net le. She's also into gaming. Thinking of the day, seriously sad.. Seperating is kinda a fate to face. Dont ask why. Cause she treats study more important than me. So if anything goes wrong. Yeah. =\ For my case, im always kinda carefree. But best hope is able to promote to Poly. The course i wanted. * Though i dont know what course i wanted * Just need to see the list of courses available for me, then i will want it. How i wish fate wont always be that cruel. Hais. Just wanna stay together with her forever. Though nothing is happening between us, but i always have a strong feeling towards stuff. So i planned ahead, alot more than anyone will. This is me since young i guess. Even when im in Pri, i thought of death. As in natural of old age, not suicide. =\ Guess thats why online, people usually thought im 18+ when im just around 10.
~ Wish fate would just be nice. Let me be with her forever. Preventing anything from happening.. Nothing bad at all.. ~